are you still at the devil's house?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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