It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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