Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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