your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
