Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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