for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
