So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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