What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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