Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904): View more from Florida

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850): View more from Florida

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x

Replies (33) Good night (21939) Bad night (2340)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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(973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8

Replies (13) Good night (4384) Bad night (990)
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(940): View more from Texas

She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

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(940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk

Replies (35) Good night (15786) Bad night (1046)
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(847): View more from Illinois

he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

(952): View more from Minnesota

You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

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(847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91

Replies (37) Good night (2287) Bad night (8203)
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(210): View more from Texas

she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?

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(210): she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate? http://tfl.nu/d0z4

Replies (19) Good night (4728) Bad night (2401)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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(781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q

Replies (4) Good night (4024) Bad night (1835)
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(801): View more from Utah

he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

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(801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9

Replies (8) Good night (3551) Bad night (916)
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(281): View more from Texas

In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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(281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c

Replies (7) Good night (2433) Bad night (1630)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

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(573): Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"... http://tfl.nu/a43j

Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (835)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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(575): Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end. http://tfl.nu/gjro

Replies (10) Good night (1602) Bad night (873)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.

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(417): Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink. http://tfl.nu/412l

Replies (5) Good night (2138) Bad night (791)
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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(480): In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me. http://tfl.nu/5anz

Replies (2) Good night (865) Bad night (1794)
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(310): View more from California

Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today

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(310): Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today http://tfl.nu/yb5r

Replies (5) Good night (1046) Bad night (539)
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(513): View more from Ohio

you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out

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(513): you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out http://tfl.nu/zkkx

Replies (7) Good night (495) Bad night (1015)
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(330): View more from Ohio

You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.

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(330): You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/9e5o

Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (410)

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