one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.