All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You need a sexual gate keeper
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
