Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.