I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something