I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
