she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR