As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.