Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.