Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS http://tfl.nu/yr3m
  Replies (8) Good night (4313) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He went soft

  (631): View more from New York

  Wait. During?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb
  Replies (99) Good night (986) Bad night (16049)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2842) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k7i0
  Replies (0) Good night (1585) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj
  Replies (1) Good night (1494) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path. http://tfl.nu/8tge
  Replies (6) Good night (2294) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard http://tfl.nu/g5bb
  Replies (1) Good night (1200) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1711) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while... http://tfl.nu/ie7g
  Replies (4) Good night (1714) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  all of the above

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after??? (1-303): all of the above http://tfl.nu/yvgg
  Replies (2) Good night (1495) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude. http://tfl.nu/yo4l
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song http://tfl.nu/a91l
  Replies (4) Good night (1466) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn. http://tfl.nu/cv1s
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day. http://tfl.nu/lt26
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery? http://tfl.nu/cvq8
  Replies (8) Good night (515) Bad night (324)

Randomize