The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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