Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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