Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
