i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
