Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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