i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
