I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
