If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
