Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We are two peas in an std pod
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Randomize
