I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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