I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
