those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
