Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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