Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
