I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
