You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize