I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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