Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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