Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
