I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
