I just gift wrapped bread.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
