Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
