Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
