I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
