I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
