you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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