I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
