Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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