I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
