Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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