Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
