I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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