So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
