You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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