Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize