she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
