Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
