Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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