If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
