Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
