shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
