just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
