i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
