Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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