Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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