it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
