Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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