hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet he comes in French.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
