I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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