what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
