I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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