shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
