what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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