she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
