You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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