so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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