drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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