a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
