Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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