'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
