I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
