OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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