I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
