I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
