sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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