at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
