so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
