Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
